Bryan Christy

Just back from LA, where my National Geographic article The Kingpin won a 2011 Genesis Award!  

This was a wonderful event, put on by the Humane Society of the United States.  One of my favorite moments was when award-winner Tim Harrison, The Elephant in the Living Room, said, “Great speech.  You really should read this book called The Lizard King….”  Anybody who reads this blog should check out Tim’s film.  I haven’t seen it yet, but the content is the US exotics trade… 

My next favorite moment was when Betty White said to me, “Are you just going to stand there looking pretty, or are you going to buy a lady a drink?”*

*Actually, she never said that, but it’s how I imagined the night would go, and it’s my blog.

Those of you who have followed my on-going, one-sided, and largely irrelevant feud with television news anchor Stephen Colbert know one thing Stephen Colbert doesn’t.  You also know that on December 14, 2008 I challenged Mr. Colbert to open 2009 the way God opened the bible, with a snake story.  He backed down.  This month, instead of marking his fall season return with a serpent, Stephen opened with yet another spider story.  Why does Stephen give so much time to spiders?  Because some arachnodufii named a trap door spider after him, and another one after David Bowie. 

Well, I’d like to make another stand for reptiles:  Stephen if you put me on your show, I’ll name a lizard after you. (My lizards are already named Lizzy and Balthazar so if you accept my challenge there may be a brief period of confusion.)

Stephen Colbert, beacon of white, yesterday you used tarantulas to demonstrate how uncomfortable it is to talk about race in America. Stephen, if you remember, on December 14 I challenged you to open 2009 the same way God started the world, with a serpent. But here you are almost three months later covering yourself in spiders (no doubt imported from Mexico under NAFTA) when all around you are good old American metaphors for the taking up of.   Why don’t you use some of those good old American (South Carolinian) okeetee corn snakes to talk about something people really feel uncomfortable about, like sex.  Sex sells alot better than race and what man isn’t empowered by a python around his neck. Stephen, step up and let America hear your black snake moan…