Posts Tagged ‘Stephen Colbert’

“Stephen Colbert Loves The Lizard King!”

Sunday, December 14th, 2008
Stephen Colbert, this could be the title of your blog post on my blog if only you would stop ducking me.  My publisher is called TWELVE because it puts out only twelve very select books per year.  When TWELVE author from month 3, Jennifer 8. Lee, published her tasty book Fortune Cookie Chronicles you had her on on your show, Tso Tsoon I was hungry again three hours later.  When month something else, Eric Weiner released his book, Geography of Bliss, there he was, mapping out terra incogneato at your interview table.  Christopher Buckley is another of the TWELVE, and Boomsday! he was on.   If you add in Jenny Lee’s middle name, I should be next!Stephen Colbert you hate bears, you love eagles.  The snake is the symbol of all that is good in America. Benjamin Franklin used a chopped up snake as a symbol to let the colonies know they were no good as bite-sized snake morsels.  Some other colonial dude came up with that “Don’t Tread On Me” tattoo.  And don’t forget it was a snake that taught Eve sin was just a 3-letter word for ‘first step on the path to redemption.’ 

Stephen Colbert, you are from South Carolina, home to the most beautiful snake on the planet, the Okeetee corn snake, the snake hundreds of boys (and one girl) lost their virginity to, tumbling out of buses from New York City and Cleveland, Ohio, carrying potato rakes and crowbars hoping to get a chubby little fist on the prettiest design in the country.  OH, STEVEN COLBERT why do you forsake your state’s namesake snakes? 

Lizard King Nation, if you think reptiles are people, too, and can figure out how to send an email to The Colbert Report, let Stephen know 2009 should start out with a reptile story.  Afterall, the bible did.  And Stephen, if you don’t actually hear from anyone on this important topic, it’s just another reason to have me on your show: snakes don’t have ears, either.